Alice forgets
by HisDarkMistress
Summary: A psychological thriller/romance about a twenty year old Alice
1. Chapter 1

**Alice Forgets **By: HisDarkMistress

_I walk cautiously along the pathway with the __mad hatter__, I try to make myself as small as possible, I feel as if I want to disappear. He places a comforting hand on my back; I look up to him and he smiles at me, the kind of warm smile that has been the only one to welcome me in Wonderland. "You'll love him, though he is not born yet, it's a preview rather, but when you unite, it will be as if you've known each other forever" and butterflies well in my stomach. _

_When the bushes part, I see the beautiful display of lights leading to the tea party, where I am to meet my destined lover. I find it awkward that I'm only but twelve and plans are arranged for me, my destiny. I walk to where the he is, he's tall, and handsome. His long black hair came to shoulder length, and he had strong, gorgeous eyes and features. However, I still realize I am older than him. He calls my name with a deep, rich voice, and I realize that I agree with my destiny. "Alice, I have not yet been born, as you know. I am a preview of what is to come. I am the next Hatter. I have a deep understanding of your future, my future, Wonderland's future." And temptation is arising._

_We sit by a small tree and __drink tea__ in the comfort of shade. "So, I realize we are destined to be together, but I have not yet learned your name. What is your name? So that I may remember you better." And he looked at his feet; I could tell he was sad. "Alas, the only way I was able to give you your preview was that I could not tell you my name." he paused, and for the first time, his eyes looked glossy and full of tears. "Alice," he turned to me, almost desperately. "I cannot tell you my name, but you must never forget my face. If you forget my face, we can never be reunited." I look at his angelic face for what seemed like an eternity. And then I feel myself suddenly fading, as I fade, he began to cry, and held on to my transparent body. I could not hear, smell, nor feel him, but all I could feel was my heart break._

_When I awake, I find myself among my sister again, how I first came to wonderland. We were sitting in the field, and I was taking my lessons, and then I had followed that wretched back stabbing __white rabbit__. Sister strokes my face, but I still feel sluggish. "Alice dear, you look distraught." And I had realized that tears were running down my cheeks. "Oh, no. I-I'm fine. I'm just a little shaken up." Sister knew just what to do. I always talked to father when I was upset. He would always pull me on his lap and stroke my cheeks. I could never help but smile. _

"_Come, my dear, tell your father what's upsetting you." I inhale deeply, wondering where to start. "I've been in a world…" He laughs, "oh-ho-ho, did your sister tell you it was imaginary?" and he looked teasingly at sister. "No father, I was REALLY in another world! You don't understand!" _

_A couple of weeks had passed since then, and father, on and off would ask me if I was sure of what I had experienced. And all the time I stuck with the facts. Eventually, he said he would help me, and started me on medication that would "Allow me to visit both worlds."_

**(10 years later)**

When I try to think of past years, I draw a blank. I can only remember the now. I can't remember how I got to today. All I seem to be able to remember is a face, with arms outstretched to me. At first when I saw this image, I thought it was father, but I can't seem to remember any affection from him.

Lady Bronx had once told me that father means well. I don't understand how Lady Bronx can tell all this from simple meetings with father and I at the house. Ever since mother left father has been exceptionally cold to me. He has never said this, but I believe he blames me for mother leaving.

I don't like Lady Bronx, when she comes over to talk to me she acts judgmental. I feel as if she doesn't care about what I have to say, she just listens and writes things down. I feel evaluated. But I've come to a conclusion that I will stop taking my medication all together. Father believes me when I tell him I take the pills. He gives me the pills at dinnertime, so I will wait til then to start regaining my memories.

I waited in the library until dinner, reading all sorts of books, and I found myself imagining myself in the books, associating with all of the radical characters. Eventually father came for me, carrying the water and the little purple pill, He handed me the pill, and I ran it in between my fingers, feeling the smooth surface, and I popped it into my mouth, and slid it under my tongue. I took a swig of water, and he walked slowly out of the room. Instantly I walked over to the window, and spit the pill out into the garden. And for some reason, I felt I was throwing away any ounce of 'sanity' I had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Later that night, I hadn't felt any rushing flood of memories like I had suspected…and that's when I realized it would take more than one missing pill to get it out of my system. However, I did _see_ a difference after waking up in the morning and remembering a dream. I actually _remembered_ a dream. I suppose that it would seem something trivial to most people…but I could never remember a dream. But unfortunately for me, I have to go thru a long incessant session with Lady Bronx.

After dressing myself and brushing my hair for the first time _without_ any help (for I would normally be sluggish in the mornings) I looked in the mirror and realized that I was quite pretty…which I had never really considered. I walked out into the hallway and saw my sister going thru her normal morning ritual of going into mom's old room and crying on her bed…except this time she actually looked up at me and gave me a dirty look. She seemed to mouth something which I paid no mind to, because ever since I can remember she had hated me. So I walked into the study and waited for Lady Bronx to come and question me about anything that she could think of…and somehow I'm not surprised that one of our sessions had led to questions about my father and _his_ interests, for she was unmarried, and he was recently divorced…she would cling on to anyone who would show her any kind of attention for just a split second.

Finally she walked into the study, smelling as if she took a whore bath in her perfume. "Sorry I'm late, I had some personal affairs to attend to…" and I observed that she was fixing her lipstick…I was feeling gutsy, and reckless…and I couldn't help but let the words slip out of my lips. "With my father, I see?" and she turned red as her blouse. "That's none of your business! Since when have you gotten so disrespectful?" and I laughed…it's as if someone I've never known was taking hold of me to put her in her place. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me…" and I heard her mutter to herself "Of course not, you're _mad_." But I felt as if it would be best to shrug it off. "So Alice, how do you feel today?" and I paused to consider my answer. "Normal." I decided was the best way to describe it, for I had dressed by myself and remembered my dreams. "Normal as in, nothing's changed?" and I giggled. "No, normal as in you, my father, my sister…that's what you would consider normal, correct?" and she shook her head and wrote down something that probably wasn't true, like 'strange behavior' or 'illusions'.

Finally after about an hour she was done with questioning me, and allowed me to proceed with my day…I went to the library and awaited another pill to quickly spit out the window…but I decided I wanted to go in the garden instead, for it was the first day in a long time that it wasn't raining. So I walked down to the foyer to talk to father. Father sat with his knees crossed reading the paper, so I waited for him to look up because he normally knew when someone was in the room. "Yes?" He finally said after finishing the latest story about some automobile crash not so far away from here. "Yes father, I was wondering if I could go out into the garden. I've been ever so diligent in telling Lady Bronx everything, like you've told me to do and I've been trapped inside for a while!" I knew he was considering his answer carefully, because he could say no…and I would bother him for the rest of the day, or he could let me do what I want and risk being seen by the neighbor kids. But Finally he shook his head yes and went back to reading the paper.

I walked out into the garden, avoiding the little puddles that remained from last night's storm. I honestly couldn't remember what being outside was like…but I remember it having a distinct smell…everything had a distinct smell. The smell of flowers was a tempting; it smelled sweet and almost tasty. The smell of the trees was similar, and the smell that the wind carried from the town was thick with the scent of bread, horse, and candy from the taffy pulls. I kind of twirled a little on the way to the garden, which was just behind the house...And I sat on the stone bench that mother and I used to sit on. I remember just one thing before she left, and that was that she was the only one who showed me any kind of caring or compassion…almost sympathy. Each year my sister would get older, we would all have to buy her a present…including me. But on _my_ birthday, only mother would give me a gift.

I sat under the willow tree for a long time staring at the roses, the daisies, and the aphids. I wanted to make a daisy chain, for I read in a book that the finished product was beautiful…so I picked up a few daisies and began to weave them carefully for as not to break the steam. Just when I had finished father was calling me up from the house, and I quickly set the daisy chain on my head.

"Yes, father?" I said while climbing up the porch steps. "It's time for your medication…." And for a split second I saw his eyes dart to my daisy chain, and it looked as if he wanted to smile, but he held it in when he looked back into my eyes, which seemed to harbor some unpleasant memories. "Come on then, pills and then dinner." And I walked reluctantly into the house to sit on the chair in the foyer. He handed the pill to me, and I quickly followed the procedure from yesterday. "Well, you can go off into the garden again, if you want after dinner?" and I shook my head yes, and went to the bathroom to wash the pill down the drain.

Dinner was surprisingly pleasant, since sister had gone to a friend's house. I know her friend, but I hadn't ever talked to him, because he seemed creepy, like he would always stare at me and try to engage me in conversation. But sister would tell him not to speak to the _mad woman._ I think it cold of sister to refer to her own relative as _mad woman_, but she has always been cold. Anyway, me and father sat in the dining room finishing up our spaghetti and garlic bread, and he actually talked to me for once, without coming off as cold or mean spirited. "So, how was your time in the garden?" He asked, and he seemed genuinely interested. "Well, it was uplifting? I sat on the stone bench mother and I used to sit on, under the willow tree. I made a daisy chain, and I smelled the roses…nothing else really to report except that I heard the beautiful song birds." And he nodded his head in understanding, like it was the first time he clearly understood me. It made me think to myself "Had I been mad all along, and hadn't noticed it?" but I decided I just had a deeper understanding for things, and was more observant than usual.

After dinner I went into the garden again, and THAT is where I saw a curious rabbit, sporting a waistcoat and pocket watch, but he didn't seem to be in any hurry, he seemed to be waiting for….me?


End file.
